Stories

Stories I continue to repeat.:

• Falling on Wasp Nest
• Catching Drunk girl and breaking Bar Stool
• Building my House
• Bosco's Poisoning
• The Dog Movie- Pupstar.
• Shadow Puppets is a Crime.
• Tree Bark Stuck behind my eye
• Chasing down Car thief
• Minivan Break-in during Blizzard of '96
• Chasing Down Assault Guy
• Ran Red Light Parliament

Adam Lost at Knott's berry Farm (1990):

• Adam missed the meet-up place + Time
• Dad & Mom had the whole park searching for me.
• Announcing "Adam Withers, please report to..." Over and over.
• But I was in the video arcade, and couldn't hear it.
• Dad eventually found me at a video game machine.
• I was in so much trouble...

Breakfast Club vs Breakfast at Tiffany's:

• When was asked to co-host the Paretologic Christmas party. I knew I had to start with a joke.
• The plan was, our CTO Patrick would introduce himself, and then invite his "Co-host for the evening" to the stage.
• I had been hiding to the side, and I heard many people thought I was "one of the homeless people, who snuck in for a free meal"
• Pat: "Adam, WHAT are you wearing?".
• Adam:"I'm Jud Nelson from Breakfast Club. You know 'Don't you, forget about me'".
• Pat: "Adam.... Tonight's Theme is Breakfast AT TIFFANYS".
• ***Blank stare... Getting embarrassed***
• Adam: "No Problem"
• I turn away from the audience, and rip off my trench coat, wig, gloves, plaid shirt, etc.
• I turn back, that underneath was my full matching suit, in perfect Breakfast at Tiffany's colors.
• I quickly staighten my tie, and Without missing a beat, I continue with:
• Adam: "Glad I covered my bases with that one! Our first presenter is...".

Pics:

Lion Gate Bridge Construction

My grandpa used to climb on the Lions Gate bridge while it was being built. His friend's dad was the foreman.
He used to tie notes to bricks. And drop it down on the decks of ships.
They would get notes back months later wherever the ship landed.

Destroyed Minivan

10 years ago, My dad used to drive a Miata to work next to the Parliament Buildings.
He parked across the street in the basement of that Purple Tower next to South Park elementary.
One day, it snowed, schools closed, so my mother--a teacher-- didn't need her minivan.
So he took her minivan to work.
Another car, a Mustang parked 30 ft from him.
6 hours later. The Mustang caught fire, and exploded.
The secretaries saw out there window smoke coming from the other building and alert my dad.
Our minivan was completely destroyed!
The rims had been welded to the concrete floor!
I was a car-nut at the time and would have taken out absolutely anything out of that car I could have--there was nothing left.
There were three cars between 4 and 10 ft away from this Mustang. And none of them were damaged badly.
We think the manifold of this car exploded and landed in our minivan!

"Showed up Drunk"

Met a girl on POF, First date, pick her up, she is absolutely HAMMERED -- It is 2pm...
Took her to pub. She was crying, shouting, and making a scene -- for two hours...
I'm dead sober. Just trying to be polite. Sitting there quietly. Waiting for it to be over.
She got really mad when the waitress wouldn't serve her a FOURTH drink until she finished her current 3 on the table...
Eventually I convince her time to take her home -- after she dumps all her drinks on the floor. And cries like a war window.
She refuses to get out of my car for 90 mins. I considered calling the police.
Finally she leaves. I head back to the bar to apologize.
The hostess says "omg he is back!" And ran into the kitchen.
All the staff come out and start quizzing me about wtf just happened.
I explain I had met her 4 minutes before we had come in.
The things the staff said were unbelievable:
-"we were all watching and guessing what was her/your deal"
-"we wondered why you didn't just walk out"
"I woulda gone to the bathroom and snuck out after 2 minutes"
-"we thought you were dumping her--a break up in public thing"
And eventually
-"you are so nice" and started by my drinks+food.
This was 10 years ago. Last time I did POF. Lol!

Oakbay Tea Party Bike Thief Raid (2010?)

Angela +I are walking back to the car after the Oak Bay Tea Party Fireworks, in a crowd of people.
The (drunk) girl next to us is carrying a BMX bike (with a LOCK still on it) and bragging to her friends that she stole it.
What caught our attention was her trying to cut the helmet off of the bike lock.
So we follow her.
She pees right in the middle of the front yard of this house. Wierd.
Angela calls the cops. They show up. Knock on the door. The FIRST thing the occupant says is "We didn't steal the bike". LOL
Not something like "Hello officer","what bike?","Ive been home all night".
Turns out she threw the bike over a fence, and cops go in to make the arrest.
They find a TON of other stolen property, and people with outstanding warrants.
So they ask Angela+I to stay there while they sort everything out (We assume because we were their probable cause to enter).
No Follow up.

Walmart Secruity Guard Stabbing + Chase(Dec 28 2019)

Shoplifter confronted by security + Walmart employees just outside main doors.
Shoplifter pulls knife and slashes the Security guard BAD up the forearm. Instant bloody-mess.
He yells for everyone to retreat back into Walmart.
I'm standing a good distance away. Maybe 30 ft.
Shoplifter takes off on his BMX bike.
I call 9-11.
I do this awesome move of sprinting after him, while NOT looking like I am. I stop behind walls, trees, cars etc, and pretend to not be looking at him. Running when he isn't looking-stopping and looking aloof when he glances back.
I did a pretty good job at this, because he never got more than 80ft from me.
He was riding ALL over uptown boulevard, doesn't seem to know where to go.
I'm telling 9-11 exactly where he is, and can hear the cop cars coming.
I "chase" him down Oak st, towards the Ford Dealership, and through their parking lot.
I am super worried about him jumping out and attacking me, so I am staying FAR away from any potential hiding/ambush spot.
Swinging-wide around corners, etc.
I wasn't going to fight the guy. Just direct the cops. Though I was prepared to turn and run if he came at me.
Anyways, the cops drive right by me, code-3, so i wave to them, and tell Dispatch me+suspect are close.
That is when I lose him.
The cops call in the canine unit, and they track his scent EXACTLY through the path we made through parking lot where I chased him, then continue super-quickly in more circles, looking under cars, etc. Like they knew they had him.
But they couldn't find him.
But apparently the security footage / other witnesses were great, because they seem to have a suspect :)
His Name is Randy. Newspaper Link

Real Estate Sign Attack (2017????)

I was the passenger in Sharon's van heading home from Hecklers, Eastbound on Boleskine Rd. @ Harriet
We saw 3 guys fighting as we approached. Then one picked up a real estate sign, and smung it like an axe at the others.
I yelled to stop the car, and hopped-out while it was still moving.
I ran after the attacker, and chased him towards 7-11 (Burnside West).
Sharon + Her Husband stayed with the two Teenage victims.
The one kid was bleeding badly from a head wound, and Sharon was trying to tell him even though there was a lot of blood, he would be fine.
He thought he was going to die, and kept telling Sharon she was pretty

So I am chasing the guy, calling 911, and was telling them the suspect description + clothing.
Then I realised I was VERY similar to that description!
I told them to tell police that the suspect and witness are dressed similiarily.
Just as he got to the corner, a bus came, he ran, and got on it.
I'm relaying all this to 911. Just as the cops show up. And stop the bus.
They get on, and there are only 2 people on it. An old lady, and this asshole.
I can't hear what was said, but I imagine it is "Excuse me sir, would you mind stepping off the bus for a moment please?"
Asshole acts all innocent, and gets off, and they are talking.
I tell 911 they have the right guy. Then she relays to the cop "Witness Confirms you have the correct suspect detained."
The previously-calm asshole then starts to fight with the cops. Nothing bad. But definately racking up more charges.
Anyways, I give my statement, and run back to Sharon.
She was wearing her white summer dress, and it was covered in blood, and had to be thrown out. She used her daughters sweater to control the bleeding.
The kid was just fine. They lived nearby. I forget how the fight started.

Epilogue #1: The next day, I am at Gorge Park, and the same cop (off-duty) recognizes me, thanks me and say "I hope you will testify". Of course. They tell me to expect a Subpoena.

Epilogue #2: I contacted the police every month, for 6 months looking for an update, but eventually they said he pled no-contest, and got a suspended sentence (No jail).

Slamming Matt's head with the car trunk lid:

• Adam slamming Matt's head with Abbie's Neon's trunk lid while wiring a stereo.
• Matt was in the trunk, futzing with wires. The bass started working.
• Adam ran from driver seat to trunk, as Matt ran to passenger side to adjust stereo.
• Adam shut trunk to hear how it would sound, just as Matt was sticking his head in.
• Matt needed 4 stitches. Ian took out the stitches when they were drunk at a party.

Brought Pot Traffickers Gas:

• Drove by a couple on the side of freeway in the Pitch black waving gas can.
• Circled back, took female 1km to get gas.
• She mentioned she worried about the cops pulling them over because it was her car, and her friend wasn't on the insurance.
• Get gas; come back; Fill Tank; Car Starts.
• Then I notice they had EMPTIED the van of 4 HUGE Hockey bags and hit them 150 ft from the car!
• After they got the car started, they were in a big hurry to get them back into the car, and leave.
• What else could have been in those bags?

Matt brought home by US Marshals:

In 1996, Matt Kelly, Angela Fraser, Darlana and Adam went down to Birch Bay.
Joan and Rick left us with Maxine + Ed for the night.
We had just got the new Alanis Morissette album, we were playing it in the car on Matt's Sweet portable stereo.
The album have TWO swear words in it. We didn't want my parents to take away the CD.
So everytime they were about to play, Adam would turn it down to censor that part, yet Matt would sing the bad-word LOUDER.

Matt and Adam made Braclets with Black + White Beads on them, spelling bad-words in morse code.
Grandpa caught us laughing, and "read" the braclet which said "Fuck you" in dots and Dashes.

Grandma offered Matt a beer too, but he predictably didn't like it.
Later that day, we all walked down to the beach.
Matt started talking to some kid and wound up ditching Adam to go to his house a while with a "I'm just going over here".
He didn't think it would be a big deal, because it was just down the road from Grandma's trailer park.
Adam went home, and tried to explain to his frantic Grandma, he didn't know where Matt was, but he was "probably OK".
But at 10pm, after many hours of waiting, she ended up calling the US Marshals and the State Police.
Matt didn't know why he stayed out so long, and didn't remember checking the time until right-before he left.
He thought it had only been 30 minutes.
When he came back to the trailer Grandma, Grandpa, Adam, Darlana, Angela, and 3 Troopers were standing inside/outside the trailer.
Adam remembers the super straight police hats they were wearing.
20 years later, if I mentioned any of my friends, Grandma would make sure I wasn't referring to (or hanging out with) "That Kelly Boy".