My (Hilarious) Legal Disclaimer

By visiting AdamWithers.ca, you do not explicitly or implicitly acknowledge that you have seen this site. Nor do you necessarily agree or disagree with the views expressed herein. Similarly, our computer's acknowledgment of a "hit" in no way is an acknowledgment of your existence, and we in no way expressly or implicitly agree with anything you say, write, transmit, or keep to yourself.

Some pages on AdamWithers.ca contain instructions. We do not guarantee your safety. Your life or death is not in our hands. You may not at any time follow or fail to follow our instructions. You must ignore them. Any diversion from total ignorance is at your own risk. Do not attempt anything at home. Do not attempt anything at work. Do not attempt anything anywhere.

Some pages on AdamWithers.ca contain opinions. Do not read the opinions. You may not agree or disagree. Under no circumstances should you form your own opinions. We are in no way responsible for any health or economic side effects from failing to follow these instructions.

Submitting any e-mail to any address ending in @AdamWithers.ca will result in that e-mail becoming the property of AdamWithers.ca and its administrators. You have the right to remain silent. If you decline this right, any e-mail can and will be used to ridicule your thoughts, opinions, needs, and life. We reserve the right to remain helpful. We reserve it so well that we can't find it. We rarely use it.

Don't touch that dial. Don't date two women at once. Don't inhale. Don't come crying to us if the world is a big mean place and everybody hates you.

Thanks for visiting AdamWithers.ca!

Disclaimer to the Disclaimer

Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental. Any resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic. The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold them is left as an exercise for the reader. The question of the existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient. (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism is beyond the scope of this website.)

This website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may link to this website freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. Your mileage may vary. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This website is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Website is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity website. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental discretion advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from OJ. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this website could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Website is ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the website, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply.

List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Seek help immediately if you are actually reading this! This product is meant for educational purposes only. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.This page has been modified to fit your computer screen. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Lather for 5 minutes, rinse, repeat if necessary. In case of eye contact, call a physician. Keep out of reach of children. Tobacco smoke causes fatal lung disease to non-smokers. For distribution only with new PC hardware. Harmful if swallowed. If rash occurs, discontinue use. This offer is valid for 30 days or 10,000, whichever comes first. Measure to suit your own taste preference. Contains 40% less sodium than regular chicken noodle soup. Not for use in automatic dishwashers. Shake well before use. 1/2 capfull, 3 to 6 times a day or as directed by licensed health care practitioner. May cause vaginal dryness. Made from 100% recycled paper. For product support, contact the manufacturer of your PC. Questions? Comments? Call 1-800-CRAYOLA Weekdays 9am-4pm EST. Imported from Switzerland. May be harmful to domestic animals. Contains small pieces, not intended for use of small children. Keep away from open flame, sparks, or other heat sources. Specially formulated to safely & effectively clean electronic equipment. The following movie contains coarse language and nudity. Warrenty void if read. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do can be used against you in the court of law. I declare the information provided by me in this application is true, correct, and complete to the best of my knowledge. Use of this product may cause temporary blindness. Other restrictions may apply. Offer good for a limited time only. Don't call us, we'll call you. Don't ask me, I just work here. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Loose lips sink ships.

May explode if recharged improperly. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Suggested serving. Do not remove this tag until sold for retail. Dry clean only. Not for use with the Republican party. If left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open. Authorized personnel only. You may have additional rights which vary from state to state. Not recommended for children under 12. Parental guidance is irrelevant. One backup copy may be made. Net weight before cooking. Keep cool; process promptly. Licensed for home exhibition only. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Tax-Deductible if you itemize deductions. Abort, Retry, Fail? Slightly higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. Call toll-free for more information. Brought to you by the letters J, T, and A. Hellllooooooo Nuurrssse! This is a test, this is only a test. We all live in a yellow submarine. My God, it's full of stars. OkLoveYouByeBye. Hey, come out and play. Welcome to paradise. Please consult your physician if unforeseen side effects develop. Non-fatal if swallowed. Proven effective in laboratory experiments. This website meets California and New York VOC regulations. I fart in your general direction. Portions of this website were prerecorded. No substitutions allowed. Add toner. Pays for itself in two visits.

This supersedes all previous notices.