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Lazy Bachelor Cookbook

Do you wish cooking books were written for fucking single guys? You're in luck! I can't stress enough how AWFUL I am at cooking
So trust me, you can make everything on this list for cheap, and with a beer in one hand, and someone under your apron
We all hate long, boring recipes, so this is a super-simplified one. Follow every step, trust me, they are important.
I will try to include some dinner-conversation so that you look like you give a crap. Don't worry, just a Video
I will give you approximately prices too.

Kimchi

A Fancy Garnish. Tastes great on rice. Makes you look classy. Lasts (in fridge) For-fucking-ever.

Tip: Instead of calling it rotting, call it "Lacto-Fermentation".

Take these ingredients, Sink them in a brine. Leave it at Room-Temperature for 2 - 10 weeks. Eat some all along the way.

Ingredients:

  • Water
  • 1 head of Napa Cabbage (2 pounds). Cut it Lengthwise, then Quarters. Remove the cores.
  • 1/4 cup Sea Salt or Kosher Salt
  • 1 tablespoon grated garlic (6 cloves)
  • 1 teaspoon grated ginger
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 3 tablespoons seafood flavor
  • 5 tablespoons Korean red pepper flakes
  • 8 ounces Korean radish or daikon. Peeled, and cut into matchsticks
  • 4 scallions. Trimmed & cut into 1-inch pieces

Directions:

  • Put in 1-gallon Jar with lid, and let it ferment! Leave it for a Year if you want.
  • When you think it is done, keep it SEALED in your fridge.

Only things you Cannot Fuck up!:

  • It is (apparently) important your salt it NOT Iodized! It will prevent the fermentation, and you will be eating gross salad!
  • Your Solid-Stuff needs to stay BELOW the Water line or it really will rott! Weight it down with a plate.
  • It creates awesome-smelling gas. So you have to allow those farts to expand or it will explode!!
  • If you touch your dick before washing your hands. You're an idiot.
If you need further, pretty-useless details, Click Here

Grilled Onions:

Cheap, Better for you than any other snack you'd bother trying. Eat Massive Quantities, and you won't get fat. But your breath will stink!

Directions:

  • Cut up Onions, Put on George Forman Grill for like... 20 minutes I guess?
  • Sprinkle Salt and Shit on it.

Only things you Cannot Fuck up!:

  • Don't light your house on fire, ok?
If you need further, pretty-useless details, Click Here

Pho Soup:

Cheap, easy. By the time the kettle is boiling, you are done!

Directions:

  • Put Shrimp, Beef Slices, Meatballs, OXO cubes (beef flavouring, Chili flakes, Bean Sprouts, and Noodles in a bowl.

Only things you Cannot Fuck up!:

  • Wait 5 mins for everything to cook, and noodles to soften before eating.
Pro Tip: Reuse your broth!

Nachoe Cheese:

So Quick and Easy

Directions:

  • Cut up Cheese Cubes
  • Add Milk.
  • Add Cayene Pepper.
  • Add Corn starch to Thicken it.
  • Microwave 33 secs.
  • Stir.
  • Microwave 33 secs.

Videos:

We Iodize Salt for Poor People.

Other Ideas:

Memes:

Others: